Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
