Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
did you just send me my own nude
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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