Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
