I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
