oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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