dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
