I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
