I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I sprained my soul last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
