you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
