I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
