At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
