I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
