I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
