loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
