Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
