i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
