so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
