that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize