Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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