good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
well you can't waste a boner
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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