He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
