Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
