I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
