That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
