my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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