I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
being pregnant is like rehab
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize