dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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