There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
