He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
