i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
