Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
