Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
