were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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