all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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