i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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