I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
