u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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