her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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