I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
