you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize