tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
