apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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