I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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