Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
