Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
