I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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