i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
