it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
