I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
