the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
