I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
