Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
