I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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