Swine flu. Run for my life!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
