she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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