I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
