where am i from again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
