Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
