either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
