just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
