I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
