New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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