New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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