Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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