connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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