Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
