So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
