You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
