pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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