I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
