i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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