that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
