i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
