my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
