My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
