So drunk its hurt
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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