Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
