Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
